Evolution has made humans genius and also turned them to act like idiots. Our job is to figure out which is which, and turn up our reliance on the ones that help and entirely mute the ones that hold us back.
An article in success.com states that the trick is knowing how to assess what’s helping and what’s hurting.
Once you know which algorithms to run and which to terminate, the question becomes how to actually stop the original program from running. Nature is far too clever to let her algorithms be turned on and off so easily. They are buried deep in our hardwiring. However, you can use them as the trigger to run the new, more useful one that you want to take its place.
The article lists out a few mental upgrades that will work for anyone.
1. Replace criticism with compliments.
According to the Harvard Business Review, high-performing teams have a 5.6-to-1 positive-to-negative comment ratio. People give more weight to negative comments than they do positive ones. This, combined with the fact that people often lead with what’s wrong, and you’ve got a recipe for a default communication style that makes people feel like they’re constantly under attack—even when that’s not the intention.
To combat this problem, when the impulse to criticize someone important in your life arises, instead of letting that become actual speech, turn it into a trigger to find an authentic compliment. This is a powerful strategy for two reasons:
You get what you focus on. If you dwell in the negative thoughts that come to mind, the relationship will be tinged with negative associations. If, on the other hand, you force yourself to migrate your thoughts to positive elements of the other person’s behavior, you will reinforce those ideas.
By externalizing your authentic feelings of appreciation, not only do you ensure that your communication as a whole will be balanced to the positive, the people who are most important to you will know exactly what you value in them.
When you communicate what it is that you value in others, you’ll be amazed by how much their defenses lower and their self-esteem builds. Also, once your aggregate interactions are balanced toward the positive, you’ll be able to address any conflicts or issues that need to be addressed without putting people on the defensive. Think of it like a bank: You can only make withdrawals once you’ve made sufficient deposits.
2. Use the pressure to perform as a reminder that all of life is but practice.
Whether in business or life, we all have moments where the pressure is on. A little pressure can improve our performance, but too much and your performance begins to degrade. That’s why when the stakes are legitimately at their highest, you have to force yourself to reframe the situation and see it as practice rather than performance.
* We all suck at some of the things we want to be good at. If you’re like most people , you’re not the best in the world—even at your chosen profession. There might even be someone in close proximity to you who makes you feel insecure about your skill set. Maybe it’s a co-worker, a family member or someone on Instagram, but chances are, there’s someone who seems to do effortlessly what takes you a tremendous amount of effort just to get lesser results. That bet is easy to make, because such is the nature of the human mind—it’s riddled with insecurities.
People have an easy time believing that winning isn’t forever, but somehow fail to recognise that loss and failure are equally temporary. Once you realize that you can get good at anything that you’re willing to put the time into, insecurity loses its power. By remembering that you’re simply not good at something yet, you remember that you’re in control. You can decide to get good whenever you want.
The key to making this work for you is in truly believing the intoxicating idea that you can acquire any skill you set your mind to.
